The crazy things you do as a parent
The new book This is Ridiculous This is Amazing features one dad's 71 hilarious lists about parenthood from "Things We've Googled" to "Safe Places to Eat Cookies" to "Games You Can Play While Lying Down." When I read through it, I kept bursting out laughing, and I even took it home that night to read to Alex. Here's one example... Oh, but the New and Wonderful New Things You’ll Get to Do
There are, indeed, countless things you will no longer be able to do after having children, like grooming, learning, stretching and snorkeling. But don’t fret. Here are just a few of the amazing new things you’ll get to do instead.
1. Butter a piece of toast while peeing
2. Brush someone’s teeth against his will
3. Blow on food while it’s in someone else’s mouth
4. Help someone else blow on food while it’s in someone else’s mouth
5. Eat food that has fallen out of someone else’s mouth
6. Eat food you found on the floor
7. Eat food you found on the mantle
8. Eat candy you found in a shoe
9. Put someone in a Bob the Builder costume while fighting off diarrhea
10. Visit a psychiatrist
11. Wipe somebody’s nose with your bare hand
12. Eat baby food
13. Blame a fart on a child
14. Get someone dressed while you’re in the shower
15. Cut up a grape
16. Almost agree to cut up a raisin
17. Pretend to enjoy the flavor of a prune
18. Ask someone why their hair smells like yogurt
19. Ask someone why their hair smells like your antiperspirant
20. Put someone else’s toenail clippings in your pocket
21. Let someone watch you pee as they stare blankly while eating a Popsicle
Numbers 5 and 11 made me laugh out loud. And I would add "wake up with a foot in your face" and "agree to let someone try to pull out your eyelashes in order to keep them quiet on a plane" (which actually happened last night).
